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How long will it take you to recover from a traumatic breakup or from infidelity by your cherished partner?
And will you be able to remain friends afterwards or will you go no contact?
Will you try again, give each other a
second chance at relationship recovery?
Answer these six questions in the Heartbreak and Recovery Scale (HeRS):
1. Did what s/he do come as a shock to you - or was it predictable, the culmination of a visible process?
2. Did s/he humiliate you in the process, especially in public and in front of your peers?
3. Did you react with anger or even rage
that just wouldn't go away?
4. Following the events, were you desperate and in the throes of castastophising ("I will never find someone to replace her") or negative automatic thoughts ("I always fail in my relationships")?
5. In the aftermath, did you experience profound sadness (dysphoria) and nothing gave you pleasure (anhedonia)?
6. Finally, in the wake of the dissolution of the bond, did you feel excruciating pain, overwhelming romantic jealousy, or pathological envy?
If you scored 2-3, it is improbable that you will ever be in touch again. A score of 4 prefaces a new phase of mere friendship or companionship between the two of you. A score of 5 or 6 leads to frenzied - though usually doomed - attempts to restore the relationship to its former romantic self.
PROMISCUITY (S1) and SELF-EFFICACY (S2) SCORES
Promiscuity (multiple men simultaneously, group sex, casual sex, serial cheating, sex with relatives, age inappropriate sex partners, casual sex with strangers, rape, flings on trips, teasing, drunk sex, attempted group sex, sexting)
Full disclosure, reactive disclosure, full and reactive disclosure
Organization of personality
Promiscuity (whore), personality organization, and self-efficacy (mother) predict the strength of the infatuation and subsequent shared fantasy.
Mortification is caused by: 1. Substituting another man for me in a new shared fantasy AND 2. Exit from our shared fantasy AND 3. Shifting all the blame and responsibility to me (especially when such a shift is merited).
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